Apr 2, 2015

weird stories

I'm doing another story for the Watercooler tonight. The theme is weird stories - and I have a few to choose from. 


Once I ended up selling a whole lot of sanitary pads on Trademe. A friend had given me when she was moving to London - she had worked at the Women's Weekly, and got given them via a sponsorship there. The Trademe ad might have referenced 'Women's Monthly.'
A guy ended up asking me in the Q&A's if they had wings? I said, 'if they had wings I'd get them to fly down to you.' But sadly he had an incontinence problem, so it was a serious question. I don't think the
The Chch earthquake had happened a day after I put the listing up, so I decided to make it a charity auction. One of the viewers suggested I just donate the pads to Chch. After Trademe called me to tell me they were taking the auction down due to the risk of hoax charity auctions, that's what I did.

My mum used to work as a travel agent. She'd sometimes get cheap trips, which were intended for her & my Dad. She'd got offered tickets to New Caledonia.  17 year-old me was studying French at the time, so she invited/told me to join her. She told me that if anyone asked I should tell them I was her husband :( The only person who asked what our connection was, was a nun - we went to a nunnery for dinner one night.
My mum had taken my sister on an overseas trip, just the two of them, a year before. It had really helped their relationship. I sorta knew this was the deal with this trip, but if anything our relationship had worsened at resort for four days.
We were sharing a twin room, and I remember her being pretty obstinate about  keeping the light on so that she could read when I wanted to go to sleep.
We went to the buffet at Club Med one night, I kept absenting myself from the table and eventually she caught me sculling beer at the buffet - there was pour-your-own, bottomless mugs of it. My mum doesn't drink, and has strong anti-alcohol views that most 17 year-olds don't. I needed all the beer after she wanted us to join in the audience dancing at the after dinner show.
The other story I remember is almost unrepeatable - I was a 17 year-old, a-very-inconsiderate-to-the-other-resort-guests 17 year-old. Typing this out his reminded me of the time I pee'd in the pool at a resort as a 6 year-old. And was a very inconsiderate 25 year-old in another hotel - I can see a pattern forming here, a very unhygienic pattern.
On the plane trip home I thought I better start making an effort to get along better. There was a crying baby on the flight and I said to my mum, 'do you remember when I used to be like that?', I said sweetly. 'You still are', was her reply.

But I'll probably go with the story about how I ended up inviting a ghost around for coffee . . .

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